Is it really Tuesday already? The days just blend into a blur as the weeks race by and I am mostly unaware of what day it is.
There is a thing known as ‘Brain Fog’.
Brain Fog is the feeling where your head feels like it is full of clouds (mostly thunderous ones). You are unable to think clearly, concentrate or remember the simplest of things.
I get this frequently. I am on a lot of medication for depression and also strong painkillers (morphine being one of them) for my chronic back pain. While the medication definitely goes towards the whole brain fog experience, they are not solely to blame.
Anxiety and depression each enjoy messing with your head in more ways than one. They both contribute to this feeling of not being able to remember the word for ‘spoon’ or ‘pebble’, or walking into a room and not remembering why you are there and in fact being in the wrong room to start with.
It is an unnerving feeling being 34 years old and feeling like you are losing your mind. I suppose it would be at any age, but I still feel like I am young (technically at least). I should be able to remember my friends’ names without having to do a mental scan for two minutes every time I try and think of them!
It is of course hard to think at all when you are tired. I have a condition called chronic fatigue syndrome – it pretty much does what it says on the tin. My very bones are exhausted, or at least that is how it feels. If I do any activity, say make some breakfast, I will need to have a serious nap afterwards – I wish I was joking – it just saps the little energy I have away from me.
I get so frustrated sometimes. It is infuriating not being able to remember the simplest of things. I know they are in there somewhere, I know that I have this information stored in my brain, but it’s like I have the wrong password and there is just a big ‘access denied’ sign flashing on the screen.
I have yet to find a way around this. I do a lot of reading, I write a Journal and now of course, my blog, I try and keep my brain as active as possible, since I can’t be physically active,however, doing my job has been hard.
I have very high standards for myself when it comes to my work, either as a musician or my day job as a customer advisor. It is so hard going from being a very high performing person to not even working at half the performance rate and not hitting my targets. I do think it is largely down to this ‘Brain Fog’, I have to check everything I do three or four times over to make sure I haven’t forgotten something.
I am off work sick at the moment after a breakdown, so I don’t have that self-imposed pressure of targets and performance. I do worry about it every now and again. When I go back to work, I don’t know how to achieve what I want and need to. I will keep reading articles and trying new things until I find something that works to give me that password to my brain archives back.